So, let’s talk about what it really takes, to find a mate for life; WITH the opposite sex.
Definitely NOT a game! Whosoever you pick, and does pick you; WILL have a major effect on your own life in time. Consequently, it is very important to understand: what has meaning/ why is this important/ when is the timing right/ who, can be “here for a lifetime”/ where can I meet them/ and how can simple friendship change into love enough, to commit as if one person combined, “into forever with you”.
We begin with WHO.
The foundation of every relationship is respect/ without respect, you have no relationship. If someone is with you, or trying to be with you without significant visible respect for your rights and needs; not, listening to your desires for life and living: THEN they simply want sex. It is common among some men: that they will work/ spend/ entice/ play/ and so on, for the trophy of getting a woman to have sex with them. The purpose is entirely: to go back to the other men, and proclaim “I WIN”. That is the same purpose, that leads men to find other women after marriage and so on. Or more simply “sex is a game/ I am a player/ you are a trophy: therefore once the game is over “with you”. I want another, and another, and another: because you, are not important, to me! It’s a game of bodies/ not lives. Given that base foundation of men until they get too old, to find the women they want: no change can be expected until that age is formed, or something changes to make the game impossible.
So lets talk about another majority of the rest of men: who do respect women/ but are clearly driven by sexual desires; so much so, that they can be bought, “with sex”. These get carried away by lust/ if it gets out of hand, rape follows; if you don’t agree. Here, It is not so much a violence as it is uncontrollable want. Rape exists when, the woman is not clearly “involved in sex with you”. When “she leaves psychologically”; the only question remaining is whether she feels betrayed. The reality however is: once you have participated to the point of intercourse/ it is not rape; it is a change of heart. Because the man involved has left woman behind, to have sex “with himself/ by using a woman’s body”. Unfortunately, many men have no “off switch”/ when they get that far; it then becomes a burden women have to bear; because they did choose “this far”. The only way to be sure of a man, is to not have sex with him until you trust. BUT BEWARE, even men who seem trustworthy without sex/ can lose themselves in sex; and turn then to lust. You cannot truly be certain until they see you naked. At that point, if they do or do not have control over themselves; it will “show up, in the light”.
The third base group of men, have control/ have respect/ and are searching for a woman: who is someone to build a life with. To achieve that category: women must prove to be “someone they recognize” as living or being with the same principles, as are they. These are disciplines of heart, mind, and body; as all spiritual reference is within an entirely different dimension/ that cannot be counted.
Disciplines of heart are identities which design the basis of living by its care/ kindness/ creativity/ hope/ sharing/ and ultimately love. Disciplines of heart are formed in a very wide variety of levels, and everyone MUST “negotiate” what can or cannot be, the basis of our lives together.
Disciplines of the mind; are formed by logic/ tragedy/ disgrace/ developmental duties/ defense/ and purposes within work that become the lives we are going to lead: if reality allows. These fundamentally exhibit themselves as decisions which try to avoid life and living/ decisions, which are determined “never to let that happen again; no matter what the cost”/ decisions, that led to anger or hate, established by others mostly/ decisions that constitute MY responsibility to life or you/ decisions, that refuse to let you in; because I don’t trust anyone, anymore. And decisions involving survival, and the relationships formed through trying to get more, or just be “happy”; as best we can.
Disciplines of the body are formed through the values we place inside ourselves; regarding everything the body can be for us. Or more simply: those who value physical abilities, simply cannot, or will not understand those people who do not. Its not judgment/ it is the sanctity of treasuring what has been given to each one; valuing the future of what a body can or might do; and changing habits to insure, “I am, the best I can be; at this time”. Simply because that, “IS important, to me”.
Given this set of parameters for men/ we turn to women; but must “guess somewhat”.
The reality of women is: being in a weaker position, it is VERY important that safety and security must come first/ or they will not “give you the time of day”. That seems particularly true today, because media is filled with “fear this”. As a consequence; hormones take over/ sex is used and abused: because if you cannot trust, but the body demands sex. Then reality proves: with so many willing to have sex, then there is no opportunity to get to know someone without it. Consequently, dating has become a playground without “rules”/ because women believe through media, not only fear must be contended with; but the expectation or desire of men is, “to immediately have sex”. Without any commitment!
THAT NEVER “lands a man, in marriage”. Even if you get him to say yes/ he says yes to sex/ he says yes to your body as it is/ he says yes, “to the moment”; NOT a lifetime. Therefore divorce follows.
Without intimacy (I found something I do cherish; in you), there is no romance (time has no meaning with you; I live for the moments we share). Without romance, there is no sustainable relationship; which means when sex dies out, “because men are using it to play with their toy/ or women are using it to get what they want”. People separate/ not “together” anymore, even if you live in the same house, or share the same bed. Relationship means: I care about you, your health, your desires, your happiness, and your hopes for life in time. Without caring, there is no kindness. Without kindness, there is no trust.
Trust is the binding element between all human relationships and more. Trust cements us together, because I accepted: you are true, in your efforts to share life with me/ honoring the fact, WE BOTH have rights, desires, and needs. As these become visible, reality shifts to assert: “I can/ or I cannot” live your life, or leave mine. Marriage in truth will follow, for those who can.