So, let’s continue; with when/ where/ why/ what/ and how with regards to “forever in time”.
Dating, for the purposes of finding a mate “for life”/ IS, a complex behavior that lends itself to a great many variables. The critical element of WHY, is then involved in two distinct ways. Why do we desire someone of the opposite sex in our lives? Answer, it eliminates or controls loneliness. Answer 2; it gives us each an opportunities to express and experience ourselves in different and unique ways. Answer 3; the reality of love can be found: IF you are willing to trust, identify yourself with truth, or give yourself to GOD; as in “love HIM” first.
Each of these has benefits that elevate our lives into the situation: “beyond simply me”.
WHAT you do with that reality, constructs and defines the definitions that will become your lives. So the critical question here is: given the opportunity to love, rather than simply lust or co-exist for a particular reason. LOVE ASKS, “I am free, to be happy/ are you”? That fundamental of human existence DOES require the freedom to express yourself, or experience life and living within the framework that you desire most. So the question then becomes: WILL YOU tolerate that kind of freedom from the one you have declared “I love”? Most do not, as they have a myriad of expectations governing their own behavior and yours. Such is, “living with someone who considers themselves to be “perfect (I know/ I decide/ I control/ I am right/ I am the important one here)”/ expects perfection from you (never let someone else see you falter, cry, or care unless there is a reward)/ is concerned more with the gossip of others (I never want to be ridiculed again/ NOT ever) or, don’t make me cry/ I have already done that because of others. Consequently freedom, and therefrom happiness between you; is a cost greater; than life with you, etc.
HOW we relate to each other matters a great deal in all interactions. Or more simply, if you can remove want from your life/ your interactions will be appropriate because of truth. Therefore the question is: can you be freed within yourself, of all the things you expect from life, self, and others? If not, want controls your fate. But if you can find the freedom and truth that comes with “being OK, within yourself”/ THEN, you have achieved the very first element of becoming “love, itself”. We must start within ourselves; because if you don’t “hold yourself as a treasure”/ it is extremely hard, to make someone else believe it without sex. Sex never lasts, because it is not strong enough, without love; to bind anyone. No matter how pretty you are! Consequently, those “particularly women” in this case; who throw themselves sexually at a man: are in fact simply trying to STOP the dating game (I don’t want to do this anymore)/ and make someone “their prize”. It does not work: divorce rates prove it.
WHERE we live on the inside determines our ability to conceive and create “more on the outside”. So the question is: do you live within your heart/ as a participant belonging to soul; or do you not? It is a simple question: is love, truth, trust, respect, and discipline the foundation of your ways/ or not? If these are foundations for your life/ then you have achieved the second critical link in finding true happiness to be shared. If love is not within you/ it cannot be found beyond you either; unless you steal it.
WHEN you steal love; it means, that you have chosen YOUR want to be greater, than their lives, hopes, dreams, etc! Or, only you matter when it comes to life and what it means to be happy for you/ the others do not matter, including the one you intend to trap. Consequently, this is a sexual trap primarily/ because little else other than spending a lot of money or providing significant pride can hold anyone to you; long enough, for the trap to enclose and contain them. Once trapped however, reality soon takes over; for both.
Children get mixed up in all of this; because people (both male and female) decide for themselves, “that I WANT a child”/ regardless of your decision. The end result particularly with women is: “I am pregnant; JUST DEAL WITH IT”. Like it or not/ prepared or not: I made this decision. But it has consequences; as in the other person being unprepared now looks for excuses, to try and find value for the child in their own lives. When this fails, they become faced with: I paid/ you owe me something. Perversion, pedofilia, and simply bad/ regrettable mistakes come: WHENEVER, any life or even resource becomes disrespected! Then the guilty party is faced with what has been done/ sometimes with a child that can put them in jail now/ and a host of other complications: NONE of which was expected. Unless this is not the first time. People sometimes die; because “I wasn’t ready, for this child”. Therefore it really DOES matter/ when both do not honestly choose, and deliberately prepare for a baby in their lives. Love is truly important/ NOT “just sex”.
So, lets consider what can be done to improve “dating life/ or finding friends after marriage”; because both have complications.
Jealousy walls off a companion, so no one gets close; without a threat. Jealousy is: I know, I cannot compete with “that one, or those”. Consequently I don’t want them near me or you. NOT because I care/ a jealous person cares about the relationship, not the person. The difference is: I cannot replace this relationship as easily as I can replace this person. Or more simply, “relationships take work”. Once the work has been done, we all expect “some time” to be free of worry. That in itself is not wrong. Wanting to control that situation, and in particular the person involved IS: “very wrong”. Because freedom is an inherent right, “I the individual OWN IT”/ not you.
Which leads us to the next phase of reality in relationships: “I found someone I might like better”. When love is tested with lies, or more. Every lie, is like building a coffin, to bury your marriage. That does not mean you need to “tell your mate” everything! Rather it does mean: everything from this point forward, should never have a lie between us/ because that ends trust. Without trust we cannot share a bond. Within these descriptions are: I had sex with someone else/ regardless of why, this is a harsh test for your mate. While it is possible, that having sex with someone else is more than lust/ that is rarely true. Within the tiny framework that is sex, because someone else/ or I, truly needed it. PLUS all the trouble that will follow that decision! There is true unavoidable depression; people can be lost here. That type of cost, makes this a decision, with penalties; IF you have love to spare. Lust has no excuses, its simply lust. But we add into that the critical realities of life: NO, he or she is not “truly defiled”. As for instance when dating: did you believe you needed or had to be “a virgin”? If so, then one time later/ and “you are not”. Think about that, just a little; and don’t judge, because the end result is “just like you/ IT IS their life”! Sexual realities are: some like it much/ some like it little/ some are just too tired from working all the time/ some need to be cared for first/ sometimes medical problems exist; and so on. Want is another tragic figure involved in sex. As people grow older, they face “I am going to die/ and it ain’t that far away; I just realized”. Or, “I HATE” the very idea of dying or getting old/ AND I WANT MORE happiness of some kind in my life, than what I have today. Period, I WANT MORE/ even if I absolutely DON’T want to lose what I have; I WANT more. So they sneak into other people’s lives, and pretend the game (let’s play) won’t end badly. Rarely does it not; for children too. Want is again “the enemy”.
Happiness cannot be bought! It is that simple. Sex cannot be “good/ if you’re tired”; consequently don’t work so hard, that you lose your marriage. At the opposite side, if someone is working hard for you/ HELP THEM, however you can. BOTH will then be rewarded, by making choices together in support of each other. Or you fail! Those who have no job, or a job with minimal effort/ have energy for sex; but no stability, and little future for you. Happiness comes with stability, therefore the work is IMPORTANT for your future: BE HELPFUL, “its important to you too”. Even if it reminds you of being your mother: “there are reasons why “good mothers have similar traits”. Happiness comes with patience; because “I cannot be/ what I cannot be”; isn’t that true? Therefore wait, so I can assemble myself into something you desire. Or more simply: even if I can’t be perfect/ love will allow me, to be the best I can be: IF, my heart is true. Happiness follows truth, because it provides the security to participate without fear or failure. Where there is truth, there is life/ because it is truth that sustains life. Consequently where there is life expressed without lies/ there are many opportunities to share and care about each other. Do the best you can, especially for each other/ why be less?